I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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