i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
