I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
