it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize