you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
