Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
