I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
