fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
