I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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