doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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