No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize