all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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