so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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