I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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