very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
