oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
