remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize
