God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
