I just threw up on my dentist
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
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