oh god the rape fog is back!
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
