someone get that fucking seahorse.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
