Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
