he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
