ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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