Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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