My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize