We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize