clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
