he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
