I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
