Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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