i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
you traded sex for a burrito?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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