as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
