how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Randomize
