Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
