first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
