I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
