haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
