I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
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