70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize