Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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