One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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