why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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