My nipple is on Facebook.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
