Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
