I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
