So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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