I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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