Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
im about as happy as oj after his trial
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
