After last night, I could never be a politician.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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