Ambien. No doubt about it.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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