He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
