you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Randomize
