got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
