I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Randomize
