dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
