i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
