i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
