somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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