DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
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