Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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