There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
