Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
