did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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