I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I'm like, not good at living.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
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