I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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