WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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