hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
