id be glad to
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
