You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize