Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
