Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
