Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
it's not cheating when I paid for it
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
