ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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