In the future we'll all be gay
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Randomize
