My nipple is on Facebook.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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