I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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