btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
