You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
