The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
