I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
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