the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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