Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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