I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I AM VODKA MAN
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
