I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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