I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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