Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
