3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
