Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
