I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
So apparently I’m into choking now
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
