Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
me + whiskey = a bad person
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
