i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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