I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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